Have you ever done this? My husband is off work today, and I, of course, am working from home. He kept trying to make conversation with me and was getting our yellow lab all hyped up, and I snapped. All he was trying to do was be engaged with me and with our dog, but the (what felt like) constant interruption and the barking finally pushed me over the edge. I was candid, but I wasn't very nice.
My motives were good (candor), but my application was really poor. The result: I was brutal to the person I love the most.
Has this happened to you? Ever let your good intentions get run over by your frustration? It's not the first time I've been brutal, that's for sure, and probably won't be the last.
But here's the upshot of it. Fortunately, my husband forgave me, and we were able to kindly (and candidly) establish some parameters for what is both our home and my place of work.
Sometimes, though, we don't get the chance to seek that forgiveness and the brutality we exhibit turns into pain or bitterness for the person we unleashed it on. What do you do then?
I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you want to share, just hit the comments link and fire away. I'm really hoping we can get some good dialogue going, but the only way that will happen is if you talk back.
Talk to you tomorrow.
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2 comments:
Hmm. I agree candor is a compliment, indeed one of the greatest compliments a person can give or receive, but I believe that, unfortunately, not very many of us are taught how to accept or socialized to value even respectful candor (or similarly, constructive criticism). I wonder how we change that, both within ourselves and our society. I wish that I was better at welcoming, and even more so--seeking out--candor and constructive criticism but unfortunately I'm not. :( Maybe you could do a photoblog or photobook titled "The Ten-step Process of Teaching Children (Of All Ages) How To Respectfully Give And Receive Comments Of A Complimentingly Candid Nature". If you can get the title on one page you'll be half way there already... (PS...after a year of doctoral study, my supervisor is still candidly and constructively commenting on the length of my run-on sentences... :) )
You make a good point, Dorothy. And fitting that title on one page would be a challenge that only someone in a doctoral program in Oz would be able to pull off. :)
It seems to me, though, that we could all benefit from a broader and deeper understanding of the value of candor in our lives. Maybe the conditioning we've received because of our various societies and ethnic backgrounds makes that difficult, but I firmly believe that old dogs can be taught new tricks.
Perhaps if we were all just a little more honest and just a little more willing to receive honesty from others, the candor would be more appreciate. Doing so would require us taking off the masks we wear, but I think it'd be worth it.
Thanks for getting involved, Dorothy. I look forward to hearing your viewpoint on many subjects.
Candy
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